When I started blogging, it was a way to journal my digital art. It was intended to document my digital art and see how different I could express my art using Photoshop.
If you follow my blog, you know I have a chronic illness. Some days are good but most days are bad. Good days can consist of being able to run an errand, may be visit an antique mall, or even go to one of favorite stores TJ MAXX or Marshall’s, and now we have a new Home Goods store.
Bad days are different for me. Each day can be a different type of pain, different location of the body, or even spending most of the day in bed. Weather can really affect how my body reacts. Which could mean an additional medication for pain. These medications I take very carefully and only when I really take the pain any longer. When you are diagnosed with a chronic illness, it can become an “umbrella” to other chronic illnesses.
Before being diagnosed, which took about nine years, I worked as a Senior Contract/Cost Manager. Traveled a lot which was not always fun. Could concentrate…meeting that deadline that was needed last week really was my favorite part of my job. I enjoyed my job very much. It was challenging, having to research historical accounting/budget information, analyzing the data, and prepare current and forecasted budgets for senior management. To most of you, that may sound so boring, but for me was a dream job. Most importantly about working, were the friendships made all those years. An identity.
Now to the present ~ invisible illness.
Since diagnosis, I have years spent on many daily medications. These have altered my appearance…weight gain, inflammation, fatigue, “moon face”, “moon stomach”, and skin rashes just to name a few. Doctor appointments are too many to count each month. A near death medical episode where I was in ICU for a couple days, and many more hospital stays than I would ever wish on anyone.
When I do out or we go on a vacation, the whispers of “she is so fat”, really hurts but that is why it is called an invisible illness. They don’t know the amount of medications I take daily, the house work I cannot do, the meals I have no energy to cook for my husband, missing social gatherings, or even taking that morning walk.
I miss not working. I miss having friends. Life is very lonely.
I have always been creative. Just now I spend more time in our home creating. The past few months I have been gathering art supplies. I will continue to make my holiday cards and gifts tags. But I have told myself that this illness will not keep me from learning and going outside my comfort zone. I am hoping in the next few months to take some art classes.
I just wanted to share with you some insight what living with a chronic illness means and what it takes to manage this illness.
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